i tried, but you didnt care
by carshaa
Summary: Life is cruel for her, no body loves her. She gets in troubble, but finds a way out. alcohol, depression, and love. PLEASE read it and R&R im begging you. Thanks to everyone who reads it.


AN: i have no idea where this came from but I felt like doing it. PLEASE help a little gal like me and R&R. *puppy eyes* OR just read it. PLEASE read it. I'm a lonely soul and I need comfort. alright then. here is my stuff. Oh and I don't own anything. *sigh*  
  
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This is how I lived threw it. I didn't.  
  
I watched as they found each other, first best friend, and suddenly they were in love. No one noticed me, no one saw me crying the day they told everybody. Nobody noticed. No one saw me slid down the wall, No one saw me crying under the stairs, int the dark. First you kept it a secret. You shared secret meetings and secret eye contacts. Even then I noticed everything. You were so un careful. You didn't notice me sliding away. I stopped eating, to get your attention.  
  
You two were so full of yourselves to notice anything.  
  
I cried all the time, stopped attending classes. You didn't notice anything. Weren't we friends? When Fred introduced me to alcohol, I got a new friend. I started to get a drinking problem. You didn't notice. Were you so in love? I started to cut myself, finding relief from the knife. You didn't notice this. My hands were a mess so I started to cut myself a bit everywhere. It didn't help; you didn't notice so I cried, drank and screamed. Then you noticed. You two came running to me, chocked at the scène. Now! Now you noticed me, and you felt sick. Now I wanted to die, I hated you two, so perfect, so gay, so in love. I spat in your face, threw the knife away, jumped out of the window and faced my end.  
  
I'm not really sure what happened then. I woke up, tied up, and you two were sitting in a chair, holding hands. I felt sick. You started to accuse me, telling me I was sick. All I did was gaze at you, silent, feeling the sorrow grow inside me. I stare at you, the one I love, and get filled with anger. I don't owe you anything, you made me do this, I thought. And in an sudden impulse I told you just that. And you started to cry. My little baby, the-boy-who-lived, you never knew me. I shut me eyes, and wish them away. An idea went threw my head.  
  
Then I chocked you as I begged you to loosen the straps. So that I could hug you . In a moment of hope you gave in.  
  
You loosened the straps and I leaned forward to the boy I loved, and just held tight. I noticed that the other boy tensed, but I felt my love returning the tight embrace. Silently I had done my mission. I leaned back with a smile put on my face and my eyes shut. I let them water a bit so that you could notice. As I wished you would leave me alone, and then I could finish this. You left me alone, you gave me some peace. I drew a wand from my sleeve, Harry's wand I thought with a smile. I murmured a spell and I was free. I jumped of the bed, determined. I walked, silently, out of the hospital wing, walking towards the astronomy tower.  
  
As I arrived there I sat myself at the edge of a window. Smiling. It was a wonderful morning, a shame that somebody would find me, little suicidal Hermione, dead on the ground. I laughed at the thought. I hope it is Snape who finds me. Ah yes.. It would be just brilliant. I thought. I leaned forward and decided, it's now or never. Just then I heard a sound from the stairs and outside the door. Panic rushed threw me, and I watched in terror as someone entered. The first sight of the persons hair made me panic. Raven black. No.. not harry I thought after a second. Professor Snape.  
  
Quickly I murmured a spell and an invisible wall appeared between me and Snape. I saw him stare at me and I started to laugh. Would I torment him by jumping while he was staring? Wouldn't that be just *perfect* I thought. But sadness filled my heart as quickly as the idea went away. He would probably just laugh. I looked down at my certain death.  
  
"Professor, get out now" I whispered as tears filled my eyes.  
  
During Hermione's whole change of emotion Snape had just stared. A thought went threw his brain, "this can't be Hermione" "no" he said, and she lifted her head. He saw the tears that now sprung free. Suddenly her eyes changed and they were now filled with anger. "Suit yourself then" she screamed and Snapes heart froze when she leaned forward and fell.  
  
Not again, he thought. Quickly he screamed a counter spell and the wall went down. He rushed to the window and screamed "wingardium leviosa" With all his might and hoped with all his soul that he wasn't too late.  
  
But no. he had been too late. He watched as a dead figure came levitating up to him and he felt his heart break. He put her carefully on the ground and fell on his knees. He saw all the wounds now, self conflicted of course. He saw the life that could have existed, and he started to cry. And then he whispered four words that Hermione had longed for her whole life. "I love you Hermione" 


End file.
